queen of the eyesores

what da fungus

Thu, 07 May 2009 04:10:59 GMT

I don't understand how I sleep for 4-5 hours every night, am ridiculously exhausted during the day but come time to go to sleep I can't fall asleep for the life of me.

I go through stressful situations, but don't typically realize I'm stressed until I notice my behavior aka I become a huge crybaby.
It's embarrassing to start crying in the middle of tekserve in front of the mac nerds and customers when I find out that a) my warranty is void due to a crack in the plastic and I have to pay for a new hard drive out of pocket and b) all the stuff on my old hard drive is baaasically lost forever unless I pay 600 dollars. Also, embarrassing to be crying in the middle of class and on the subway.
Whatever, I guess, considering all that is on my plate right now I think I'm handling life in stride.

I can't wait to visit DC, I was speaking to some friends from back.. home? It's not really home anymore? From DC, and it feels like I've been gone for years. I feel so out of touch and out of the loop!

I had the weekend off, spent most of the time sleeping but did manage to squeeze some time to go to the Met. Amazing! Real Egyptian Tombs! I think next time I'm going to go alone so I can take all the time I want and fully soak in the old instruments and greek statues! Phoenician artifacts! Art from the Korean Renaissance! Did I just not appreciate the museums in DC or is the Met just amazing?

Still want to go to the Botanical Gardens, MoMA, Bronx Zoo, etc.

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

never leaving this bed (mainly complaining)

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 01:41:50 GMT

I am lying in bed trying to re-coop from this build up of exhaustion. I don't know how people do it with ease (or if they even do) but working full time and going to school full time is really really taking a toll on me.

This week is the sample sale for the designer I work for, and I volunteered to work on my days off (not knowing how awful it would be). Imagine working at forever 21 times 1000. Imagine working at forever 21 times 1000 after being in class since the morning. Maybe it isn't that bad, but my body doesn't feel that way. I was so exhausted on the way home I felt like I was going to throw up then pass out.

I don't know if I've ever been so... hectically full. Any free time I have is spent on school work, then errands... grocery store, laundry, cleaning house.... showering. Seriously, my hygiene has gone down the pooper (no pun intended) because I simply do not have time to bathe.

I want to be social, and see - how lame do I feel having to constantly flake on plans because I have to do a laundry, or get groceries, or because I fall asleep.
On top of that, I don't even have the money to do anything social - I am only making ends meat, and thats a first for me, too. I've always had a job where I made enough money to be able to go out to eat every now and again or buy myself some clothes once in awhile.

I like all my classes this semester, but my speech class is one of my favorites to go to. Not because of the subject matter, the subject matter is probably my least favorite - but its the class with the most laid back teacher and everyone is really friendly with each other. It's the only class I talk in and have people who know my name and a friendly relationship with. The girl that usually sits next to me is this really sweet, shy girl that lives in the Bronx and in the beginning of the semester she mentioned how she used to cut herself - she has scars allllll over her arms and she always wears long sleeves. She told me she had stopped for awhile and was in a better place and all that. She was back in class today from a few absences and she was sad and fragile acting and when I talked to her she admitted to me she was in the hospital because she cut herself again and had to get 36 stitches. I don't know her well enough to feel comfortable really being the overprotective person I can be, but it really saddened me. I just hugged her and she laughed.
I also found out this kid I grew up with died last month from a heroin overdose.

I want to fix all the sad people. Maybe they don't always want to be fixed. I have the mentality of a child in the thought that I just want to fix all the sadness in the world.
I want to be like that woman that people line up for her hugs and her essence can follow you for months and makes you feel better.

i love it

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 01:06:04 GMT

i love having nights where you accidentally get drunk with your old friend in the comfort of your cozy home.

cherish from gweedle on Vimeo.

bananas from gweedle on Vimeo.

hiccups from gweedle on Vimeo.

all i want to do is sit!

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 18:01:10 GMT

This is me literally every morning

things have changed!

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 04:24:40 GMT

I live in Brooklyn! I spend most my time on the subway! I have a cuteeee apartment and am busy all the time or too exhausted!

I got my first credit card! OH NO!

I have spent the last two nights signing up for different focus groups! I need more money!

tv!

whaat

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 08:12:05 GMT

Is it true livejournal may be shutting down?

I just realize I've had this journal for nearly a decade.. My entries have gotten sparse and less detailed about my life, but I have documented some of the most embarrassing phases of my life!

I would never leave this thing based solely on sentiment, so please don't leave me lj!

fuuuck why cant isleepepepetjet

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 07:59:06 GMT

Adrian and I got a sweet apartment in humble little Bushwick - hopefully my new GOOGLE PHONE with its isafe app will say it is SAFE because I don't think I'll ever properly be able to defend myself with mace. I think if I ever get attacked or something I'll do that thing where you just start screaming and convulsing. I've heard it works?

We spent a bunch of money at bed bath and beyond and target and we still have Ikea and Home Depot to tackle. He was on the phone and his friend wanted to do something and he was all "noo I've got to go to bed bath and beyond with Angie" and it made me feel like we're becoming old. We argued in the Target aisle about PUR water filters and various other coupley things. Oh goodness, not us!

I'm making two trips to ease Meechie into his new abode. I am sick of the 8 hour (round trip) ride it takes to go to and from and I've been doing it weekly.

I was stuck with taking shitty classes this semester because I had to register so late. Seriously, speech?!!!!?! history?!! philosophy?!! (maybe okay?) math!?!

IhopesIhopesIgettheeejobthesecretsecretjob.

I was hoping to be settled in NY during the inauguration but I'll be in DC around that time. REALLY REALLY REALLY not looking forward to those people and all that traffic and I'm scared of crazy Obama haters wreaking havoc on DC and then RIOTS. I am so scared of the WORLDD.

hey look josh took this good picture of me.

Sometimes I clean up nice when I'm not sloppy and have showered and I actually bother with my appearance.

I'm wearing my birthday dress but no one would no that because the memory card with my birthday pictures on it is stuck in my broken camera.

I just got this SPAM IM
rimmingcoho
2:57
hey Ehud im 7`11 26lbs sexy as Mega64 an im single lookin fa da right bike ta stab, so if u liken wat u see launch at me an well do da bone on bone LOl

REALLY? you're almost 8 feet tall and only 26 pounds? You want a bike to stab? I can bone on bone? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN, CRYPTIC PERV?

nye

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 16:32:33 GMT

My NYE was lowkey, hoping for kind of an adverse effect with the year because when I try to make my NYE all crazy like my year always sucks (every year for the past like.... 10 years)

complaints (pt 1) from gweedle on Vimeo.

..with all that said I had a dream I applied at a topless restaurant when I move to New York.

what was awesome about 2008

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 04:28:25 GMT

um, i believe.... nothing!

not prank, prank call

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 17:01:33 GMT

phone call from gweedle on Vimeo.

im trying to make these shorter but its not working well...

can you tell i have the sense of humor of a child?

those gingerbread cookies smell lie they came right out of the oven

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 06:00:30 GMT

merry christmas guyyys.

or happy holidays or whatever

my mind is a mixing bowl of past presents and futures and im starting to get confused as to which is which.

i want to spend all my money on clothes, so i don't feel so horribly plain in new york. i want to stand out - somewhere!

i am going to be swallowed by the masses and imburse myself in studying or lounging.

maybe me life will be complete when my hair has grown down to the middle of my back.

edit: i have taken about 6mg of klonopin and am not really feeling better. when will my anxiety cease! all that is ceasing is my ability to type properly. i have vivid ideas of being famous because i am in a dream like state. when i wake up from this dream it will be sad that i am too old to be famous this day and age. plus my nose.
strangers have said i have the face of someone that should be famous. maybe i will do it guerilla style. whats that even mean?

you are my sunshineeeee

nostalgia part amillion aka i miss the 90's

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 08:20:53 GMT

Tonite, while participating in woot.com's woot off hoping for a good deal on a flat screen tv while also trying to do homework - I started playing on imeem and was reminded of something.... Being little and the music my mom would play. She had (and still has) eclectic taste in music, and lots of various songs will remind me of her. However, for some reason I started listening to Loreena Mckennitt and Enya and got incredibly nostalgic for an aspect of the 90's that often goes under my nostalgia radar.

When I think of the 90's, I think of getting my first music tapes at a flea market, which were hole's "live through this", nirvana unplugged, and milla jovovich - and listening to them in my room while looking out the window and writing curse words in my diary all night... this was when my insomnia started (age 8?)

I think of early 90's hip hop and when my cousin Lizzy came and visit and how she wouldn't take the porno for pyro's tape my sister tried to give her because there was a picture of a devil on it. four non blondes played a lot.

I think of bjork's "human behavior", and beavis and butthead. I also think of bjork's "its oh so quiet" which reminds me of moving to my grandparents temporarily when my parents got divorced, beating super mario, and batman forever being my favorite movie.
I miss that house, but more importantly I miss my grandparents

I think of the Spice Girls and Hanson and being a pre-teen that was obsessed with aliens, ghost hunting, tamagotchis, and was boy crazy.

And I think, one of my most favorite feelings of nostalgia, is hearing this particular brand of my mom's music taste (celtic and different celtic variations) and remembering spending lots of time outside wanting to catch fairies and find a secret garden. The scented oils my mom used to buy, and begrudgingly accompanying her to bead stores and church when she was going to a metaphysical church in takoma park. Sometimes my sister would walk me to chuck & daves and now & then. Her practicing reiki on me, and doing past life regressions where I would say I was an English woman that lived near the sea in a past life.

Enya also reminds me of the dolphin show at the aquarium, and potomac mills having large tv's that played "orinoco flow."

This is all moreso for myself, so I dont forget these - cause it warms me up and I don't want to forget

halp

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 17:06:36 GMT

eating my problems away from gweedle on Vimeo.

what is up with rest stops?

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 03:05:47 GMT

I had an extraordinarily awesome bday. My camera broke!

Then I went to NYC for thanksgiving - which involved Adrian and I just spending a lot of money on room service and parking. I was staying on the top floor of the hotel, and it freaked me out. When I looked down, I was hovering right above ground zero, which also freaked me out.

Trying to shop on black friday in NYC was the WORST idea and it barely lasted.
shitttt schoolwork.

on top of the worlddd

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 16:58:09 GMT

I know I have written a lot about the price is right in the past, but really - I will forget to watch it for a few months and then watch it again and my emotions get so stirred I feel the need to show my public appreciation for it.

I don't know if it is because I'm just, excited about life today anyway - it's my birthday, and I am supposed to be moving to NYC in like, a month and a half to go to a school to study something I love. I'm going to eat awesome sushi tonight. I also had a little bit of caffeine which makes me feel on top of the world until I crash and burn. I'm just all about shit right now.

Whatever the case may be, this show brings out such happiness in so many different variations of people, and then will steal it right from under their feet so fast that you feel their pain as if it were you who lost out on a bunch of fiber medicine and a minivan.
And, I mean - do you SEE how excited people get about winning... ANYTHING? Like, hideous dining sets that are very 80's-trying-to-resurrect-the-arts&crafts-movement. It is gameshow/advertising genius!

Hey life, don't go start sucking on me now - things are just starting to get good. Like, the way I felt when I saw this video is how I feel all the time.

AHHH

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 02:52:29 GMT

I GOT INTO JOHN JAY

IM MOVING TO NYC?!!!

IM FREAKING OUT

sex talk

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:17:58 GMT

v1.0 from gweedle on Vimeo.

have you seen this?

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:47:52 GMT

Have you seen this girls blog? http://tavi-thenewgirlintown.blogspot.com/

she is 12, and she is not only FAR cooler than I was at 12, but far cooler than I am now.

new obsession

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:59:50 GMT

...tea.

I know that everyone is like "ohh I love tea ohh" but this is starting to get out of hand. My entire cupboard is filling up with different types of teas. Because I knew I wasn't using tea to its full advantage, I went to teavana and bought some DELICIOUS looseleaf tea and a little tea strainer.. (btw, tea balls don't let the tea fully blossom - as the girl at the desk snarkily told me).

I have a feeling this is going to be an interest of mine that will deplete my checking account. One of the teas alone were was 12.00 for 2 ounces, and the new tea I want is 25.00 for 2 ounces.

But let me just tell you...ginger coconut tea with black pepper is TOTALLY where it's at right now.

most calming thing at this moment

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:32:00 GMT

warm tea, some klonopin, tv, and my cat.

i am relaxed and the knot in my stomach has turned into something more like a bow.

another one

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 03:21:19 GMT

septic water from gweedle on Vimeo.

i feeeel almost wasted so bear with me.

what the fuck is taking my school so long to tell me if i got in or not. ANY NEWS, EVEN BAD NEWS, WOULD BE GREATLY APRECIATED

I guess I'm gonna start doing this....

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 02:05:46 GMT

vlog i guess from gweedle on Vimeo.

obama wins and all i can think about...

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:11:16 GMT

...is how embarrassed i am for the people on tv dancing and sobbing while footloose is playing in the background.

human bonding moments. pet peeve!

larry, you moe'd your curly

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 01:23:24 GMT

I'm eating worse than I've eaten in years. Due to my severe anxiety I lost a lot of weight and I felt gross and boney, so when my appetite came back I decided to eat the shittiest things I could possibly think of. I'm talking like, vending machine honey buns and breakfasts of doritos, cheetos, twix, and starbursts (thats in ONE breakfast). Now I just feel foouuuul but I don't know how to not eat like this, because it is all so deliciously alluring.

Speaking of being a disgusting consumer, I went shopping yesterday in hopes of spending all the money in my checking account (which is a horrible idea as I don't have any shifts this week due to the weather and patio and blah blah blah) and was sorely dissapointed at the lack of good things in stores. Except for Barneys Coop, which I could easily spend thousands upon thousands of dollars in. Which also now brings me to: Why am I so morally opposed to shoplifting? I WANT to shoplift! I hate Barneys from my brief stint working at the Coop, and I know it is easy to shoplift there - but I feel too guilty and it just makes me feel greebly and it usually bums me out when people I know shoplift... (unless it's places that I know treat their employees crappy and pay waaay too much for their clothing, like barneys or american apparel... speaking from experience)

I'm so done with this semester. I have papers due every week. My fiiingers.

I have tickets for cirque du soleil! front row seats! hoorah!

where are they

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 02:14:41 GMT

The aliens were supposed to BE here by now, where ARE they?
first contact

My appetite is back! With a vengeance!

I'm going to be a crazy cat lady for halloween.

i daydream too much